The intense emotions that are inspired by a failed romantic relationship or marriage can make it difficult to cooperate with one’s ex. Even when parents set their own feelings aside and focus on their children, they may find themselves disagreeing on key issues.
Their disputes about parenting can cause further damage to their dynamic with one another. Older children can also potentially manipulate their parents if they become aware of their disagreements on specific parenting matters. Teenagers are notorious for playing one parent off of the other and manipulating situations to their advantage.
The three issues below can cause complications in even the most amicable co-parenting relationships unless the parents agree on shared rules or standards.
Technology use
There are many different types of technology disputes that parents may experience. One parent may want to have virtual visitation, which the other may not want to allow. One parent may use a tablet as a way to distract a young child, while the other feels that screen time isn’t yet age-appropriate. Disputes about how much time children can spend on electronic devices, when they can join social media and what types of video games they can play can cause intense conflict. Parents may need to create a series of rules that age up with the children over time.
Socialization
When children are relatively young, they may attend occasional birthday parties and get-togethers with their peers. As they get older, there may be less adult supervision of those social activities. Parents need to agree on certain standards, such as when overnight visits with other children are acceptable and what age is old enough for a teen to start dating. By having consistent rules at both households, parents can avoid scenarios in which one parent becomes the bad guy and the other becomes the permissive parent.
Expectations for school and housework
Childhood and the teenage years are when people develop habits that influence their conduct for the rest of their lives. Parents may need to have certain standards regarding the academic performance of their children. Parents generally want to have consistent expectations at both houses so that they can reinforce them together and push their children to achieve to the best of their ability. Maintaining consistent expectations for contributions around the home is also important. Parents may need to develop an outline of what chores are appropriate at what age and how much housework each child in the family should perform.
Parents who address issues that are likely to trigger conflict later can maintain a more amicable co-parenting dynamic. They may also find that they have an easier time pushing their children to achieve despite the disruption of divorce or adjusting to shared custody. Integrating the right details into a parenting plan can be as important as agreeing to a specific breakdown of parenting time and legal authority.
